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  • Writer's pictureRobyn Ashley Schleihauf

Help isn't coming

Help isn’t coming. No one is on the way. You can scream and yell, but no one is going to show up. If they do it’s only to tell you to ask for help more quietly, or differently. Calm down ma’am, they’re going to say. Whatever point you’re trying to make is getting lost in your fury. Ma’am I cannot keep speaking with you if you’re this angry.

Help isn’t coming. We’ve reviewed your concerns and we have decided yours are not help worthy concerns. We do not have to listen to you, no matter how loud your pleas. Other screamers came before you and they were abusive and rude, so we have deadened to all of your concerns. Your collective cacophony is all we hear, no distinct vowel sounds or consonants. No snippets of your sentences come through – it all sounds the same to us.

Help isn’t coming. We set up this system and you have completed your navigation through it. Your issues are complete. We consider them resolved. Resolution is determined by us.

Help isn’t coming. We built the system so that very few get help in the end. We would rather 99 people who need help be turned away than let 1 in who didn’t really deserve it.

Help isn’t coming. You’ve said the same thing for years, so it’s a little bit of lunacy that you keep trying to say it to us. We built the system to respond to what you’re saying. We have the system. You need to use the system right.

Help isn’t coming. It’s not a punishment, we just don’t have the authority – you came to the wrong place, you silly twat.

Help isn’t coming. We deal with x and you’re looking for a y. There are no y’s available, haven’t been for years. We have a system where you can sign up for y’s, but most people are queued for years. Some die without ever getting a y. At least then you move up in the queue though.

Help isn’t coming. The staff at the system have been granted no discretion to help. The ones who wanted to help have been ground down into submission, at which point they graduate to administrators and managers, or they have resisted the grinding and left the system and now pound away on the outside of it, trying to get the system to churn out different results.

Help isn’t coming. The system was not designed to give the results you are looking for. You tried to make your y look like an x in the hope of confusing the system, but the system caught you, you sly fox, and, as we told you earlier, we only deal in x’s.

Help isn’t coming. We started accepting y’s and there was such an influx that the system overloaded and no one could even get x’s anymore. In fact, your request for y’s made all the people looking for x’s really angry, because they think there are fewer x’s to go around. There aren’t, but they certainly seem to believe that.

Help isn’t coming. There are vacancies in the system if you are looking for work. The system has smaller systems inside of it for your protection. The manual for the smaller systems is straightforward but the administrators have been given far more discretion here and they won’t help you because the system has made them afraid to try.

Help isn’t coming. Help is costly and everyone is worried about cost these days. We can’t worry about helping others when there is so little to help ourselves to. Some of us are frantically storing our help, in case we need it later.

Help isn’t coming. Some people are able to manipulate the system. Their systems are different than yours – they deal in neither x’s nor y’s but the machines that make those characters. We call the manipulators prescient, ahead of the curve. They’re geniuses, we say. Can’t argue with that. They sure helped themselves.

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